Honeybee

Loving the African Daisies with pollen on his knees

Greetings

1. Bird:

Yellow streaks on face and body

Zipped just in front of my face
As I came out of Whole Foods
Landed in a heavenly bamboo bush
Sitting among the red berries right next to me

He sat for several seconds
But flew away when the camera came out

2. Monarch:

Never seen a butterfly zip around so fast
Barely moving its wings
All over the front of our house
From one side to another
Multiple times

3. Hummingbird: 

Resting on top of a tree
Then flying to plants in our yard
By front and back windows
Where we sat separately

Back to the tree to rest in front of me

From her book, Grieving is Loving

Once upon a time, the world was right.

And when the world was right,

our hearts beat together. 

The future included us. 

Together.

And when the world was right,

I could speak your name without pangs,

and all my plans centered on our togetherness. 

And when my well-planned world contained you, 

it was a beautiful life. 

I never planned for this apartness. 

I never planned for the collapsing grief of your absence.

I never imagined, and still cannot, 

that this could be my life. 

I just miss my right world. 

I just miss you. 

-Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

Brunch guest

 

The Unbroken

There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
a shatteredness
out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow 
beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility
out of whose depths emerges strength.

There is a hollow space
too vase for words
through which we pass with each loss,
out of whose darkness
we are sanctified into being. 

There is a cry deeper than all sound
whose serrated edges cut the heart
as we break open to the place inside
which is unbreakable and whole, 
while learning to sing. 

-Rashani Réa

pieces

I watched her drop the mirror
saw her face adopt the fear
that she would now been destined
to bad luck for seven years

but she looked at the pieces
there were hundreds, maybe more
and she noticed how they caught the light
in ways they'd not before

the light was bouncing everywhere
all spirited and bright
a hundred little mirrors
bringing all that light to life

so she picked up all the pieces
whilst she still had every chance
and she turned her bad luck
into opportunities to dance

and if you ever watched her
you would notice how she smiled
and how she moved and shimmered
like her soul had come alive

and if you didn't know her secret
you would not consider
that the glitterball she danced around
was once a broken mirror

-Becky Hemsley

Space

(I wrote a poem about how I'm feeling.)

My heart is a fist

clenched and forgotten

pounding tombstones in my chest

It is an anchor

ruthless, relentless

dragging me into the deep

It is a compass

desiring true north

but finding only chaos

My heart is a storm

Its raging rain clouds

shatter puddles beneath me

In my solitude

a shooting star

unwelcome and uncaring

sears my darkest space

My heart is on fire

I am undone

electrified within

A void searching 

for a soul in the night

Desperately seeking

the heart

that once mirrored mine

In the forest

 

breathe

she sat at the back

and they said she was shy

she led from the front 

and they hated her pride

they asked her advice 

and then questioned her guidance
they branded her loud

then were shocked by her silence

when she shared no ambition 

they said it was sad
so she told them her dreams 

and they said she was mad

they told her they'd listen

then covered their ears
and gave her a hug 

whilst they laughed at her fears

and she listened to all of it 

thinking she should
be the girl they told her to be 

best as she could

but one day she asked 

what was best for herself
instead of trying 

to please everyone else

so she walked to the forest 

and stood with the trees
she heard the wind whisper 

and dance with the leaves

and she spoke to the willow, 

the elm and the pine
and she told them what she'd been told 

time after time

she told them she never

felt nearly enough
she was either too little 

or far, far too much

too loud or too quiet

too fierce or too weak
too wise or too foolish

too bold or too meek

then she found a small clearing 

surrounded by firs
and she stopped and she heard 

what the trees said to her

and she sat there for hours 

not wanting to leave

for the forest said nothing... 

it just let her breathe. 

-Becky Hemsley

Awake

You dream I'm looking down on you
like a light on a ceiling
as though you are a thing

and I am a thing, 
a light you aren't,
shining down

on a body
you can't escape
even in dreams, like this one

in which you dream
you're awake, trying to awake
to the light that holds you together

like sticky surgical tape
even when you're a vibrating ruin, a mistake
that keeps making mistakes, 

too hurt,
too convinced you're nothing
to understand or explain

the light you dream you see,
sassy, dancing,
clothing you in splendor,

glorying in your glory.
That's when you're awake.

-Joy Ladin

Letter to a friend

This is my path. It is not a path of my choice, but it a path I must walk mindfully and with intention. It is a journey through grief that takes time. Every cell in my body aches. I may be impatient, distracted, frustrated, and unfocused. I won't want to celebrate anything. I may get angry more easily, or I may seem hopeless. I will shed many, many, many tears. I won't smile as often as my old self. Smiling hurts now. Most everything hurts some days, even breathing. 

But please, just sit beside me. 

Say nothing. 

Do not offer a cure. 

Or a pill, or a word, or a potion. 

Witness my suffering and don't turn away from me. 

Please be gentle with me. 

Please, self, be gentle with me, too. 

-Joanne Cacciatore, Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief

Lost Mamas

2 baby quail running through the bushes - 1 named Forest, 1 named Avery

2 month hike

 

list of things to heal your mood:

1) cry it. walk it. write it. scream it. dance it

    out of your body. 

2) if after all that

    you are still

    spiraling out of control

    ask yourself if sinking into the mud is worth it

3) the answer is no

4) the answer is breathe

5) sip tea and feel your nervous system settle

6) you are the hero of your life

7) this feeling doesn't have power over you

8) the universe has prepared you to handle this

9) no matter how dark it gets

    the light is always on its way

10) you are the light

11) walk yourself back to where the love lives

-rupi kaur

Mother God

She is the God who sees you.
God weeps, mourns and cries.
She comforts you through the longest nights, 
Keeping watch until sunrise. 

-Teresa Kim Pecinovsky

Continue

My wish for you is that you continue

                Continue 

To be who and how you are

To astonish a mean world 

With your acts of kindness

                Continue 

To allow humor to lighten the burden 

of your tender heart

-Maya Angelou

Three Little Birds

 

Don't worry about a thing
'Cause every little thing is gonna be alright

-Bob Marley

Ten Million

"Even as I rocked on my knees, howling, I detected soft breathing behind the roaring. I leaned in, listened. It was the murmuring of ten million mothers, backward and forward in time and right now, who had lost children. They were lifting me, holding me. They had woven a net of their broken hearts, and they were keeping me safe there. I realized that one day I would take my rightful place as a link in this web, and I would hold my sister-mothers when their children died. For now my only task was to grieve and be cradled in their love."

-Mirabai Starr, Caravan of No Despair

When I am Among the Trees

When I am among the trees, 
especially the willows and the honey locust, 
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines, 
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say that they save me, and daily. 

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment, 
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often. 

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, "Stay awhile."
The light flows from their branches. 

And they call again, "It's simple," they say, 
"and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine."

-Mary Oliver

Hold My Hand

Night sits untold

The coolness of the night will fall

Night speaks its peace

With memories of a life begun

Would you hold my hand?

Would you hold my hand?

Just hold my hand...

Lights dim and young

Begin to paint a whole new world

Though faint and small

The sum of all become one light

-Eric Owyoung